Why Cant I Start A Conversation With You?
One out of every ten Americans has a fear of talking to strangers. When you enter a room full of new faces, to start these conversations seems like an impossible task. You wait and wait and hope to God someone else says hello first, but the apprehensive silence persists. Then nobody talks to anybody. This unwillingness to communicate will result in missed opportunities to meet new friends and make valuable connections. Your initial timidity takes time and practice to overcome. However, the more often you throw yourself into the sea, the less likely the waves are to bother you. Below are four major roadblocks that stand in your way of starting conversations. The solutions to these problems will equip you with the motivation to stop falling asleep behind the conversational wheel. The Fear of Rejection
They won't say hello back to me. They won't be interested in me. I will make a fool of myself. This is the number one reason people don't start conversations. However, practice will make this fear fade away. The more you often you start conversations, the better you will become at it. So, be the first to introduce yourself or say hello. When you take an active instead of a passive role, your skills will develop and there will be less of a chance for rejection. Also understand the gains vs. losses. For example, what's so bad about a rejection from someone you don't even know? On the other hand, a new contact awaits your introduction! Nothing Good to Say
I can't think of anything good to say. I never break the ice. Opening lines are difficult to put into action. Be certain to ask open ended questions with such words as "How is??" "Why are??" and "What was??" These questions elicit elaboration, explanation and show the other person you have taken an interest in them. Also give a compliment about something you've noticed followed by a related inquiry. Not only does this appeal to someone's personal interests, but it flatters them and satisfies the number one human desire to feel appreciated. Finally, offer an interesting piece of knowledge or trivia. Facts like these are more engaging than the weather and will lead your conversation to new and exciting directions. Uncertainty of Involvement
All of these people are strangers. I came into the conversation too late. I'm not sure how to get involved with the discussion. Be an active listener. Make eye contact with the speaker. And, keep your ears open for iceberg statements. These are pieces of free information where ninety percent is under the surface ready to be talked about. For example, listen for an implied statement about someone's family or a key phrase such as "independent contractor." Be sure to smile, nod and respond with follow up inquiries. This allows you to become included as a part of the conversation. Perception of Conversational Value
Small talk is a waste of my time. There's no reason to interact to these people. I won't gain anything if I say hello to the woman next to me. Yes you will! You will gain something if you talk to the woman next to you. People start conversations for five reasons: to help, to learn, to relate, to influence and to play. Think of the potential value! And you never know whom you will meet. "Fear not to entertain strangers for in so doing some will entertain angels unaware." Remember, some people enter into your lives and change it forever. But, until you own the attitude that every conversation will affect your life, whatever gain is accrued when you engage in social interaction will continue to be outweighed by your fear. Ultimately, initiating the conversation is half the battle. It's the most difficult part of interpersonal communication, and therefore an important skill to master. Overcoming your initial fear of rejection will come as you start more conversations, more often. When you use open ended questions which appeal to the needs and interests of others, the probability of rejection will significantly reduce. And, when you become a more active listener with the attitude that conversations do have value, you no longer have to worry about falling asleep behind the conversational wheel. © 2005 All Rights Reserved. Scott Ginsberg is a professional speaker, "The World's Foremost Expert on Nametags" and the author of HELLO my name is Scott and The Power of Approachability. He helps people MAXIMIZE their approachability and become UNFORGETTABLE communicators - one conversation at a time. For more information contact Front Porch Productions at http://www.hellomynameisscott.com.
Related News
|
 |
|
|
RELATED ARTICLES
Lessons from the Wedding Mafia
One of my clients shared a story with me from his networking group, a chapter of BNI. Ivan Misner, the creator of BNI talks about what he calls "contact spheres".
How Speakers, Exhibitors, Consultants, and Meeting Planners Partner-Generate More Money and Value
? "Make Every Moment Count" is the title of a CD that a pharmaceutical company gave away at their exhibit booth at two major conferences.
Effective Business Networking: 5 Tips For Mastering The Art of Networking
The heart of any business is the connection it has with other businesses and individuals that it can call upon to help meet its needs. Networking - any activity designed to create, maintain and utilize interpersonal connections - is an essential business skill. But not all business people take the time to truly master. However, without a solid understanding of how to network effectively and efficiently, no business can make the vital connections that it needs to survive and prosper in today's super-connected economy. Here are some tips you can use to increase your networking - and business - success
What I Do Is Not Who I Am... The Networking Factor
Ah, the personal touch that continues to make a big difference for the better in our lives and the lives of those who have an opportunity to experience a personal touch from us.
Increasing the ROI on Your Networking
Networking requires an investment of time, money and effort. Here are
four ways to be sure your return on that investment is worthwhile.
Networking: Breaking into the Buzz
Breaking into conversational groups is one of the things people ask me about when I'm conducting networking sessions. There's a buzz that hovers over a crowded room that comes from all those people conversing. You need to break into that buzz to be a great networker.
Building Business Relationships in a Roomful of Strangers
You approach a stranger at an association meeting or industry conference with you arm outstretched and say: "Hi. My name is?.." And you're off and running.
Social Network Software
My neighbor ? a lovely man I've known, and have had social contact with for years ? is the COO of one of the world's largest companies. He's read my books, is familiar with my concepts, and is a fan. But we've not talked shop due to our social connection.
Successfully Meeting And Greeting - Ten Strategies For Getting Off To A Good Start
A day in the life of every businessperson is made up of a series of meetings and greetings. Whether you are making the initial contact with a client or a colleague, you want to get off on the right foot. Doing so will make the first encounter and subsequent ones go smoothly and easily. Getting off on the wrong foot can make for a difficult recovery. Save your energy for later and use these simple strategies for a successful start.
The Anatomy of a Brain Cramp; The Retainer and the Lavalava - Communication
In life, you have to successfully work with people to get anywhere. You can't avoid it.
Networking Skills: Arguing in Context
If you're fond of a good debate, you know how to annihilate someone else's position in an argument while still somehow managing to keep a friendly rapport with that person. This tactic is frequently used by politicians and lawyers, and one that will no doubt come in handy in online networking. Networking is for discussion, and discussion leads to disagreements. You must learn how to argue properly if you ever expect to survive in a volatile networking world!
The Promotion Factor: Seven Strategies to Promote Yourself and Your Business by Playing Golf
Effective business promotion is more powerful than advertising. Using golf is one the best ways to increase your business and personal success. Playing golf is the foundation for networking and recruiting. Think about the relaxed atmosphere a golf course provides. It is surely not an office environment where you have to watch what you say and how you behave. Many business opportunities have been realized on the golf course. In addition, many job offers have been negotiated there as well. Here are seven strategies that will help you network and recruit for your business and personal success:
Building Great Business Relationships
If you're in a business relationship with anyone ? a client, vendor, or customer ? how important is that relationship to you? Do you value the relationship? Do you want to nurture it?
Ten Simple Steps to More Customers with Better Networking
Networking is a great way to meet people in a "non-selling" setting. So, don't sell. Meet and greet. Ask people about their businesses. Be friendly and relaxed. Enjoy yourself. Get to know people. Above all, do not sell.
What a Leads Exchange Group can do for You
What is the definition of a leads exchange and how does it differ from other groups?
Effective Networking
The process of finding out about a job, getting interviewed, and eventually receiving an offer for employment starts with networking. By networking I don't mean sending out hundreds of copies of your résumé unsolicited to H.R. managers throughout the country, but by establishing contacts with people who may be in a position to hire you or refer you to someone who is in the position of hiring... you!
Five Best Ways To Build A Network
I have been working from home on the internet for over 3 years now. 18 months of that was spent trying out various different programs trying to find things that would work for me and this done nothing more than cost me thousands of dollars and also caused me to neglect my family friends and my health, as a result I then took a break from internet marketing and got my life in order.
A New LinkedIn Discussion Forum for High Power Dealmakers
For those of you interested in international business transactions or the business networking organization, LinkedIn, a new Yahoo groups discussion forum has been created. Several Yahoo discussion groups already exist on the uses and preferences concerning LinkedIn, such as the Yahoo Group forum called MyLinkedin Power Forum (MLPF), but the messages on that forum were biased. The moderator of MLPF censored opposing points of view. He is the type of person who would criticize a group member's message, but not let that member respond to his criticism. In many respects, the MLPF and forums like it were just plain boring: a large cacophony of disjointed and disconnected messages on everything from trolling for people with the same last name to using LinkedIn to advertise products or services.
Give People Something to Talk About!
My husband and I tried an experiment one night. We were invited to a dinner party with three other couples we didn't know. What we did know is that we were all around the same age. We also knew what we were having for dinner. The purpose of the dinner party was to have an opportunity to meet new people and make new friends.
Community Involvement Networking
It is important for you to join at least one service club in your area to help your small business in the community. It might be wise to get with other small businesses which are friends and figure out how each of you can join a different service club to maximize your word of mouth referral base in the community.
|
